"I'll have two bloody marys, please." Author receives bloodys, produces a 10.
"That'll be $14."
"But they're two for one, no?"
"Yeah, but that's per person."
Long stare by author.
Yesterday's brunch at The Lodge in Williamsburg was perfect.
Dare I say it, wooks and wookettes -
5 of 5.
The service was wonderful.
The waitress independently verified my suspicion that, yes, the hollandaise that morning was pushing past all specified means. The eggs were apparently poached not by mortals, but demigods whose sole mission on this, this Wasteland, is bene-fection.
The bloodys were spot on and 2 for 1.
All for $15.
The Lodge is, as of right now, the hands-down best brunch in the 5 boroughs.
The Lodge
318 Grand @ Havemeyer
Brooklyn, NY G-MAP
718.486.9400
9.24.2007
9.19.2007
Take Me Down
It would be easy to say, "Hey, mister! Where's all the brunch reviews?" or "Hey partner! I thought we were gonna talk about bloody marys here!" and have two very valid points.
Unfortunately for you, writing about brunch is WAY harder than posting clips of Guns 'n F*cking Roses from 1988, when they ran for president as a band and I think they won.
Enjoy.
9.17.2007
Al Sharpton's Frat Brothers
9.12.2007
Finally!!!
Worried your reception won't be this fun?
Concerned your in-laws (not pictured, but agency guarantees similarity) won't be living in your home within six months of your nuptials?
Are you from Crozet?
If you said, "Hell Yeah!" to any of these questions, gitcher mouse down to http://www.marryourdaughter.com
Yessir - fine Christian girls whose parents just can't wait to get 'em out the trailer!!!
Hat Tip: The inspiration for King of All Wookies
9.11.2007
The Law of Averages
Technically, there is nothing wrong with an average brunch. While a subpar bloody or bene' isn't as satisfying as a similar-quality pizza or roll in the proverbial hay with the proverbial farmer's daughter, the act of sharing a morning-ish meal with someone can ofter supersede good-enough-ish food.
SATURDAY
2:45AM
Author: Wow. This is probably the most sober I've been on a Friday night in, like, since I got here."
Evil Bad Person Who Made Me Do It: Yeah. I kinda wanna get drunk. Let's go get drunk.
Author: But I have to be up in the morning to feed the orphans before volunteering at the over-the-hill dogs for over-the-hill folks home in Trenton!!!
EBPWMMDI: C'mon.
Author: Right.
Needless to say, I woke up miles from my (new)(temporary) home in Bushwick (son!). Brunch being a meal best served close, we hit the streets for Alias.
Bloody: 2 of 5
Please don't think me a glutton or worse when I note that I expect my bloody in a pint glass with a real straw. One of the cocktail realm's truest triumphs, open to many brialliant interpretations, the bloody is an inherently messy beverage that needs the most direct delivery system possible. And it should be as big as possible.
This being said, I ordered the crustacean bloody which included an Old Bay'd rim, a shrimp or two on a skewer, lemon garnish and the "special blend of spices". Oh yeah - served in a water glass. Christ. What did they think? If their concoction had any real taste at all, they'd get a sucker like me to order 5 of them? Luckily it didn't.
Benedict: 2.5 of 5
Deviating from the classical standard in the land of Benedict is OK. There are rules one must understand before they can be broken:
WRONG.
Meat under one egg, stuff under the other. Let me again reiterate: WRONG.
Eggs were perfectly poached and the whole thing was served with a nice mixed greens salad. Still - WRONG.
Service: 2.5 of 5
Eh.
Waitress was semi-attentive. (It's still up for debate whether I ordered the coffee that came to me) Food came out fast enough. Took a little while to get the check.
Whatever.
Price: 2 of 5
$10 for the beney and $7 for the "special" bloody.
Would have been pretty excellent if they had sprung for, oh, I don't know - a whole meal and not one piece of ham and a cocktail in a Dixie cup. The place apparently has Cincinnati roots, but it didn't seem all that authentic...Must have been their omission of Cheetos from the menu.
Alias
76 Clinton St., New York, NY 10002
at Rivington St.
212-505-5011
LATER THIS WEEK: DR. CHEWBAKKA HEADS TO BEAR COUNTRY FOR BRUNCH ON SOME GIRL NAMED JANE. STAY TUNED.
SATURDAY
2:45AM
Author: Wow. This is probably the most sober I've been on a Friday night in, like, since I got here."
Evil Bad Person Who Made Me Do It: Yeah. I kinda wanna get drunk. Let's go get drunk.
Author: But I have to be up in the morning to feed the orphans before volunteering at the over-the-hill dogs for over-the-hill folks home in Trenton!!!
EBPWMMDI: C'mon.
Author: Right.
Needless to say, I woke up miles from my (new)(temporary) home in Bushwick (son!). Brunch being a meal best served close, we hit the streets for Alias.
Bloody: 2 of 5
Please don't think me a glutton or worse when I note that I expect my bloody in a pint glass with a real straw. One of the cocktail realm's truest triumphs, open to many brialliant interpretations, the bloody is an inherently messy beverage that needs the most direct delivery system possible. And it should be as big as possible.
This being said, I ordered the crustacean bloody which included an Old Bay'd rim, a shrimp or two on a skewer, lemon garnish and the "special blend of spices". Oh yeah - served in a water glass. Christ. What did they think? If their concoction had any real taste at all, they'd get a sucker like me to order 5 of them? Luckily it didn't.
Benedict: 2.5 of 5
Deviating from the classical standard in the land of Benedict is OK. There are rules one must understand before they can be broken:
- English muffin can be substituted for, but only by another bread-like product
- Canadian bacon can be substituted for, and here the rules are more lax - I've had excellent bene's featuring everything from crabcakes to smoked portabella mushrooms
- These two must be substituted for in a manner resembling the original Benedict structure
WRONG.
Meat under one egg, stuff under the other. Let me again reiterate: WRONG.
Eggs were perfectly poached and the whole thing was served with a nice mixed greens salad. Still - WRONG.
Service: 2.5 of 5
Eh.
Waitress was semi-attentive. (It's still up for debate whether I ordered the coffee that came to me) Food came out fast enough. Took a little while to get the check.
Whatever.
Price: 2 of 5
$10 for the beney and $7 for the "special" bloody.
Would have been pretty excellent if they had sprung for, oh, I don't know - a whole meal and not one piece of ham and a cocktail in a Dixie cup. The place apparently has Cincinnati roots, but it didn't seem all that authentic...Must have been their omission of Cheetos from the menu.
Alias
76 Clinton St., New York, NY 10002
at Rivington St.
212-505-5011
LATER THIS WEEK: DR. CHEWBAKKA HEADS TO BEAR COUNTRY FOR BRUNCH ON SOME GIRL NAMED JANE. STAY TUNED.
9.05.2007
UTRIS on iTUNES
Ladies and gentlemen, I have footage of the last UTRIS reunion show.
It was our first show in a while, so it's sort of a medley but The Kid looks great, doesn't he?
So - Make sure to go to The iTunes Music Store and load up your fancy new iPods with all of your favorite Utris jams.
It was our first show in a while, so it's sort of a medley but The Kid looks great, doesn't he?
So - Make sure to go to The iTunes Music Store and load up your fancy new iPods with all of your favorite Utris jams.
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