I Love Queens!!!

Excepting some really super subways rides following my deposit there by various forms of mass transport, I've never really spent much time in Queens. That all changed on Tuesday night when Drawler and I went to her cousin the actor's Halloween party in Astoria.

I knew I was in love with the place when I emerged from the subway to find the entire department of the NYPD in charge of saying "Bro!" blocking off the street and laughing amongst themselves. Out of the loop, I crossed the street and it was there that I saw what was so funny:

An SUV completely covered in blood!!!

That's right, folks. The blog that brings you (the occasional) definitive opinions on bloodys n ow brings you real actual effing blood!!!! This cartruck looked like a giant mosquito had just come from the plasma bar completely hammered and spring breaker vomited all over it. I wish the pictures were better, but in the three minutes it took my companion to realize she DID have her camera, the beast had been towed.

More blood at the bottom, and a big thanks to William for throwing a party just so I could meet "the dude in the opening credits with his shirt off" who made it to the final 50 of "So You Think You Can Dance."

Dekes In History Vol. 1

Deke Richards - Motown songwriter!

From some guy in some other band from the 60s:

I had a band in the 60s called the Four Sounds, a very successful bar band. Our friends were The Turtles, The Byrds, and we’d play Sunset Boulevard, and in the 60s there were tons of clubs. We did that for a few years and the guitar player was Deke Richards, he and Freddie Perren produced some of the biggest R&B songs of all time. Had a thing about never taking a bath. A white guy that always thought he was black, he would say “I cant take a bath because it would wash the soul off”. Another guy, the organ player, went on to form the Grass Roots. Well, we decided to get rid of Deke because he was getting kind of crazy, he said he was going to Hollywood and write R&B hits and he did just that and made millions. He wrote ‘ABC’ for the Jackson 5, amazingly huge copyrights.

Fuck. Yes. The guy's a combination of prodigious naming and KEEF, man! This dude was a member of "The Corporation" which were Berry Gordy's hired-gun hitmakers at Motown. "A white guy who always thought he was black..." Hang on, I just found a picture of him

About Brunch...

Faithful Readers -

As you can see, I am being held forcibly against my will. My captor is a savage who knows neither decency nor mercy. Even though hidden by a mask, I am aware of the name of the one who has taken me hostage:

Budget.

Yes, gentle reader(s), I am now fully and deeply committed to not spending all of my dubloons on weekend jags so terrifying to both liver and soul that they may only be sated by the sauce of the name "Hollandaise" and cocktails made from blood squeezed from a woman who's son all wars in the last 2000 years have been fought in the name of.

So - what sounds like more fun than a blog about a 7'8" beast that updates an Excel spreadsheet concerning its fiduciary status in order to stay somewhere above the poverty line?

Besides your mom?

The Land of The Depraved

They say Australia is the land of criminals.

Well, I say that it is. And I'll say it right to the face of any man from The Land Down Under that's at least two inches shorter than me and looks like he'd return a blow (grow up) with an open hand and a squeal. I'll also say it directly behind the backs of any Australians who don't fit said description.

And children.

I mean orphans.

Speaking of orphans and criminals, here's the story of a woman arrested for crushing beer cans between her breasts and her friend who was arrested for hanging nipples off her spoons.

One minute...ah...I said that wrong. Figure it out, teeny boppers and Donny and Marie fans.

Go 'Skins.

F*CK!!!!!

The greatest website in the entire world was shut down by effing Interpol just now. Those motherf*ckers can't find Carmen San Diego but they can shut down my source for free music?

(Story here)

I have spent thousands of dollars in my lifetime on recorded music. CDs get lost. Ask my father. A good many of my OiNK downloads were to replace CDs I'd lost or given away or records I wated digital copies of. Other bands saw me at their shows for the first (and in many cases, assuredly only) time because of music taken from OiNK.

I'm paying more than $1,000 a month in rent and bills. That's $12,000 a year. How much money do you think I make? What? Quit drinking or maybe smoking cigarettes? What fun is a party with one of my oldest friends if none of my other friends are invited?

So you know what Mr. Record Guy - That's it. I'm never buying another new musical item ever. I pledge it from this day forth. I will only make copies of friends' music or buy used records or CDs. No Christmas / birthday / goat sacrifice presents, no indulgences, no CDs from bands whose concert I am attending, even. No nothing.

Independent record labels: If you had any part in this, you Sam Jacobses of the world, shame on you. You're hurting your own acts by limiting our access to them. Your goal is to get better distribution or to sell your deal on an act. Without this, enjoy your 35% of nothing.

To you Spice Girls-producing child molesters who run the labels who instigated this: Go and get f*cked all day long. Every day forever. May your trophy wives or boyfriends explode into a wild year-long herpes outbreak.

Another site will emerge. I will join it. I will enjoy the f*cking of you for the rest of my life recorded music business people.

PS - Don't worry about getting me that fancy new iPod for Christmas or my birthday, loyal readers.

Mr. Of All Wookies? Washington Redskins Assistant Head Coach-Offense, Joe Bugel, Line One For You

That's right, folks.

I just got off the phone with Be-yoogs and it looks like I'm gonna be livin' the dream come Sunday.

The big show. Arizona at home.

What's that you say? At 5'8(1/2)" 167 lbs. I'd be the smallest animal to even play on an offensive line in the National Football League? My lack of any experience on a football field save charging one when my high school team (which I cheered REALLY loud for) won the DC city championship?

Whatever, hippie. I've got fire in my eyes and a stern glance which will strike great fear in the hearts of opposing defenders, some (most) of whom possess genitalia larger than my forearm. Also - Mike Sellers said he'd hook me up with the occasional chip block.

Updates to follow once I reach Redskin Park. One of The Danny's buddies is flying me down after work.

What A Day

It's 67 degrees in Manhattan today. The thin air is manifested in a clear blue sky that serves as no impedance to the sun whatsoever and holds only the light and immediate heat in it.

As a tribute to this glorious 24 hours, a special treat.

Enjoy.

Some Good Friends of Mine

As a good friend of mine once told a police officer, referring to me, outside Noblesville, Indiana, "You don't pick your friends. They pick you."

What he didn't add was that you CAN record them in different mediums and display them on your blog.

Lucky for them, nobody reads it.

Welcome

The entire staff of Wookiemania would like to extend a warm "RRRRRRRR-rrrrrr-A-rrrrrrrr- AAAARRRRRRRRRR" to the interweb's newest locale for reading about a 20-something woman's conversations with herself : "Let's Blog It Out"

(Ed. Note: The staff of Wookiemania would like to formerly apologize to the staff of "Let's Blog It Out" for our inappropriate actions during a recent sales meeting (right).

Please note that Isiah Thomas has been sacked as chief gender equality consultant at The 'Mania.

That is all.)