12.25.2005
12.21.2005
Destined to Become a Holiday Classic
The Twelve Drives of Bledsoe...
On the first play from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
a pick that became a TD!
On the second drive from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
three false starts, two big sacks and a missed field goal for big D! (editorial note: there was holding on this series, not called, by D that should have never let them get to kick a field goal)
On the third drive from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
three tiny runs, two for no gain, and a weak little punt from big D!
On the fourth drive from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
four pass attempts, three penalties, two dropped balls, and another little
punt from big D!
On the fifth drive from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
A Yellow Holding Flag! two incompletes and a 24 yard punt from big D!
On the sixth drive from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
a pick with a de-clined penalty
And then, halftime.
On the seventh drive from Bledsoe my defense gave to me...
seventeen sack yards and a fumble that became a TD!
On the eighth drive from Bledsoe my defense gave to me...
eight more sack yards and a weak little punt from big D!
On the ninth drive from Bledsoe my defense gave to me...
Daniels third sack and a fifteen yard punt from big D!
On the tenth drive from Bledsoe my defense took a nap...
On the eleventh drive from Bledsoe my defense gave to me...
Daniels fourth sack and another three and out for big D!
On the twelfth drive from Bledsoe my defense gave to me...
three incompletes, two time outs, one intentional grounding,
and a pick that let the Redskins take a knee!
Thanks to Uncle Charlie
On the first play from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
a pick that became a TD!
On the second drive from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
three false starts, two big sacks and a missed field goal for big D! (editorial note: there was holding on this series, not called, by D that should have never let them get to kick a field goal)
On the third drive from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
three tiny runs, two for no gain, and a weak little punt from big D!
On the fourth drive from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
four pass attempts, three penalties, two dropped balls, and another little
punt from big D!
On the fifth drive from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
A Yellow Holding Flag! two incompletes and a 24 yard punt from big D!
On the sixth drive from Bledsoe, my defense gave to me...
a pick with a de-clined penalty
And then, halftime.
On the seventh drive from Bledsoe my defense gave to me...
seventeen sack yards and a fumble that became a TD!
On the eighth drive from Bledsoe my defense gave to me...
eight more sack yards and a weak little punt from big D!
On the ninth drive from Bledsoe my defense gave to me...
Daniels third sack and a fifteen yard punt from big D!
On the tenth drive from Bledsoe my defense took a nap...
On the eleventh drive from Bledsoe my defense gave to me...
Daniels fourth sack and another three and out for big D!
On the twelfth drive from Bledsoe my defense gave to me...
three incompletes, two time outs, one intentional grounding,
and a pick that let the Redskins take a knee!
Thanks to Uncle Charlie
12.16.2005
12.15.2005
Being Wrong Never Tasted So Right
As Presi-editor-man of Wookiemania, I feel the need to address a couple of things pertaining to the site. I will also be practicing my rhetorical question dialogue exercises at the same time:
DUDE: Why haven't you posted more than an article a week in, like, two months, brah?
KING OF ALL WOOKIES: Wookies hibernate. Duh. Gotta get ready for the New Years run, right brah?
DUDE: Brah - Sick! You goin' to Panic in the ATL? What about John Brown's Body in Balti...
KOAW: (interrupting) Stay on topic.
DUDE: Totally, man. My bad.........OK...um, hang on, dude...What were we talking about?
KOWA: The Chernobyl Flying Donkey Dance Parade.
DUDE: Really?
KOAW: No. We were talking about Wookiemania.
DUDE: Really? 'Cause I heard they were gonna play the side stage at the 'Roo this year...
KOAW: ...
DUDE: Nah. Seriously, brah - CFDDP opened, like, four dates on...
KOAW: Shut up. Please. I hate the phrase "shut up". It's dismissive and cruel. In this case, however, please, shut up.
DUDE: Whatever, brah. You're such a hater.
KOAW: Moving along, fervent readers may have noticed that the subtitle on the header of the site is still a link to the Katrina donations page for the Red Cross. This is no mistake, and is actually extremely important at this time of year. The supply at food banks across the country is taxed this time every year, and the increased stress on the national banks who diverted so much of their resources to the Gulf Coast region in September will need extra income and food to meet the gap.
Dude: Hey, man. That was Ohhhhh K. Maybe your not so bad...
KOAW: Mikey Houser's guitar sounds better today than it did, say, I don't know...three years ago.
Dude: F*ck you.
Happy Holidays, wooksters.
DUDE: Why haven't you posted more than an article a week in, like, two months, brah?
KING OF ALL WOOKIES: Wookies hibernate. Duh. Gotta get ready for the New Years run, right brah?
DUDE: Brah - Sick! You goin' to Panic in the ATL? What about John Brown's Body in Balti...
KOAW: (interrupting) Stay on topic.
DUDE: Totally, man. My bad.........OK...um, hang on, dude...What were we talking about?
KOWA: The Chernobyl Flying Donkey Dance Parade.
DUDE: Really?
KOAW: No. We were talking about Wookiemania.
DUDE: Really? 'Cause I heard they were gonna play the side stage at the 'Roo this year...
KOAW: ...
DUDE: Nah. Seriously, brah - CFDDP opened, like, four dates on...
KOAW: Shut up. Please. I hate the phrase "shut up". It's dismissive and cruel. In this case, however, please, shut up.
DUDE: Whatever, brah. You're such a hater.
KOAW: Moving along, fervent readers may have noticed that the subtitle on the header of the site is still a link to the Katrina donations page for the Red Cross. This is no mistake, and is actually extremely important at this time of year. The supply at food banks across the country is taxed this time every year, and the increased stress on the national banks who diverted so much of their resources to the Gulf Coast region in September will need extra income and food to meet the gap.
Dude: Hey, man. That was Ohhhhh K. Maybe your not so bad...
KOAW: Mikey Houser's guitar sounds better today than it did, say, I don't know...three years ago.
Dude: F*ck you.
Happy Holidays, wooksters.
12.14.2005
Nothing Says 'Merry Christmas' Like Flagrantly Copying Brilliant Ideas
I don't care what kind of lawyers he has, I'm suing Ben Bradlee's corpse.
The following is a headline featured in a Most Recently Viewed Articles sidebar in the Arts & Living section of The Washington Post's website, which, up until 7 minutes ago, I was going to buy a lifetime subscription to:
"Cookie Mania Starts Right Here"
Cookiemania?
What am I to expect? A Sports Section supplement on this year's top first year players in the NBA? A published directory of gentlemen with whom one can place a sporting wager? A 7-page pullout tribute to that which Fred Durst...well...does whatever the f*ck it is that he does it all for?
They may have a better staff, building, business model, pension fund, team of security gaurds, and bathroom supply purchaser that I do, but my advice column is tops.
Right, Trey?
Never mind.
The following is a headline featured in a Most Recently Viewed Articles sidebar in the Arts & Living section of The Washington Post's website, which, up until 7 minutes ago, I was going to buy a lifetime subscription to:
"Cookie Mania Starts Right Here"
Cookiemania?
What am I to expect? A Sports Section supplement on this year's top first year players in the NBA? A published directory of gentlemen with whom one can place a sporting wager? A 7-page pullout tribute to that which Fred Durst...well...does whatever the f*ck it is that he does it all for?
They may have a better staff, building, business model, pension fund, team of security gaurds, and bathroom supply purchaser that I do, but my advice column is tops.
Right, Trey?
Never mind.
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