A couple than Mr. De Le Sac forgot:

**Thou shalt only 'av a bird in yo' band if it's tha bass playa

**"Monkees -- Just a band"

Condolences

To all of those who lost someone on the Virginia Tech campus today.

It's been almost eight years to the day since the Columbine murders, but the horror and outrage that event brought on seem to be missing from people today. Why?

Columbine had a standoff, something happening live for TV. Tech holds only a report of events and press conferences for the 24-hour channels.

Columbine was high school. Compulsory. Tech, a state school that only recently shifted its focus from agriculture, is a college. Not mandatory, and somewhat exclusive.

Columbine had Dylan and Eric. We still don't know the Tech shooter's name.

I'm sure that in the coming days, police camera work will somehow surface, revealing the gory details of today's slaughter, and at least one or two eyewitness accounts will serve as tomorrow's headlines, but in the age of video-on-demand-I-wanna-see-it-as-it-happens, today's events are ringing somewhat hollow in the national conscience.

Go thou, deceased, to this earth which is a mother, and spacious and kind. May her touch be soft like that of wool, or a young woman, and may she protect thee from the depths of destruction. Rise above him, O Earth, do not press painfully on him, give him good things, give him consolation, as a mother covers her child with her cloth, cover thou him. - Vedic Funeral Rite

No So Original, Mr. Richard

I know.

I'm a day late and everyone is now well aware of Keith Richard's assertion that he snorted his father's ashes.

When I heard this, I was amazed. F*cking shocked.

It was one thing when The Stones stopped making original music. The next was when the live show became little more than a cabaret version of their greatest hits record. But Keef was always an original. Until now. I offer the jury an excerpt from the staggering brilliance of Mr. Leary's "No Cure For Cancer":

I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards! Says that kids should not do drugs! Keith, we can't do any more drugs because you already fucking did them all, alright! There's none left! We have to wait 'till you die and smoke your ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk about the pot and the fuckin' kettle.

So, I mean, the bit was about Keef, and it did use another form of ingestion, and it was him that we were supposed to be doing. I guess this keeps the level of "Keith Richard won't shock us until..." at "he marrys a cow, and during the 'height' of the honeymoon blow it's brains out when a .22, then have a dead- wifecow 'Champagne and Brains!' hot tub party with Ryan Seacrest, Katie Couric, Presidential Defense advisor Brent Scowcroft and the every on-air personality at Telemundo and convert to Lutheranism in the morning."

Phew.

Special thanks to assistant proto-editor-in-chief C Pat for his contributions to this and many other wonderful ways to waste your day.