No So Original, Mr. Richard

I know.

I'm a day late and everyone is now well aware of Keith Richard's assertion that he snorted his father's ashes.

When I heard this, I was amazed. F*cking shocked.

It was one thing when The Stones stopped making original music. The next was when the live show became little more than a cabaret version of their greatest hits record. But Keef was always an original. Until now. I offer the jury an excerpt from the staggering brilliance of Mr. Leary's "No Cure For Cancer":

I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards! Says that kids should not do drugs! Keith, we can't do any more drugs because you already fucking did them all, alright! There's none left! We have to wait 'till you die and smoke your ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk about the pot and the fuckin' kettle.

So, I mean, the bit was about Keef, and it did use another form of ingestion, and it was him that we were supposed to be doing. I guess this keeps the level of "Keith Richard won't shock us until..." at "he marrys a cow, and during the 'height' of the honeymoon blow it's brains out when a .22, then have a dead- wifecow 'Champagne and Brains!' hot tub party with Ryan Seacrest, Katie Couric, Presidential Defense advisor Brent Scowcroft and the every on-air personality at Telemundo and convert to Lutheranism in the morning."

Phew.

Special thanks to assistant proto-editor-in-chief C Pat for his contributions to this and many other wonderful ways to waste your day.