Wait...Wait...

PRODUCER 1: OK, David - Weef got un $3,000 budget for your latest vi...

DH: "Whoa! I'm The Hoff! $3,000?!? That's a f*cking outrage. I was paid $5,000 just to lend my name to the Executive Producer credit of the Baywatch Pilot."

PRODUCER1: (Murmers back and forth with other producer. Lots of shrugging of shoulders) OK, David....

DH: "Call me 'The Hoff'."

PROCUDER2: "David zat's a li..."

DH: "The HOFF."

PRODUCER1: "...............Fine...Ze Hoff. We're willing to borrow anossa $500 from ze studio, but zat's more zen zey'll probably gif us."

DH: "The Hoff is listening."

PROCUDER1 &2: (Stunned)

DH: "Have, uh, you guys seen 'The Matrix'?"

PRODUCER1: "Yesen, Day...Mr. Ze Hoff. We haf seeen 'Ze May-tricksssss.'"

DH: Did you see, um, at the, uh, end when, uh, Neo is, like, totally flying?"

PRODUCER1: "Yesen, Mr. Ze Hoffff. We saw ze end off ze movie wheren Neo iz fly-ink."

DH: "I wanna do that."

PRODUCER1: "Zat will be hart on $3,500-ish, but we will fielm you in front of ze blu scren."

DH: "I wanna ride a motorcycle, too. But I, uh, I want to fly on it. Too."

PRODUCER2: "Fine."

DH: "I wanna snowboard, too. And eat a fish. While I'm f*cking snowboarding."

PRDOCUER2: "Fine."

DH: "I want angels. This video f*cking MEANS something, you know?"

PRODUCER2: "David, procu..."

DH: "THE HOFF! What don't you f*cking idiots understand?!? Do you know who I am? I'm The Mutha-F*ckin' H-to-tha-iz-off. God damn it. (To the secretary) Hey baby - why don't you, ah, bring The Hoff another one of those, um, drinky-do's, awright?"

SECRETARY: "You meen ze bourbon and haf-und-haf in ze peetcher?"

DH: "That's right. (Winks)"

Ladies and Gentlemen - Prepare to be "Hooked" on The Hoff.

The Hoff

The Hoff. The Hoff. The Hoff. The Hoff.

It may be the only thing I'm able to say for the next few weeks.



It's perfect. It's just so perfect.

Thanks to The Superficial for being my original source for this awesomeness.

Patrick Swayze?!?

I thought that Scientology was just a weirdo cult for celebrities that gets you to admit in an "auidt" that you like the (little) boys, then blackmails you with that information for the rest of your life...Have you seen Roadhouse? Lately?

No?

That's totally OK. Check out this slideshow of famous and former famous Scientologists.

Yo' Boy

NOTE: Model discovered in the DOs and DON'Ts section of Vice Mgazine.