9.20.2005
The Washington Redskins Are 2-0
And I will now ask that the rest of the world shut the f*ck up just long enough to eat a big fat dick.
The offense looked awful. If I'd-a seen another 13-yard hitch go incomplete, the samurai sword was coming off the wall. Couldn't run the ball; the Cowboys had 3 defensive linemen, 4 linebackers, 2 safeties, and Liv Tyler stacked as high as Michael Irvin in the box.
Who cares? We won.
The defense looked awesome. Sean Taylor's hit on third down of the last Cowboys' "drive" didn't make up for him falling down on the flea-flicker touchdown to Terry Glenn, but it did scare the sh*t out of every white person in Dallas.
Who cares? We won.
Patrick Ramsey, who I've defended since the day we drafted him, couldn't have thrown one, let alone both of those passes to Santana Moss. I hope he gets his trade and ends up playing for Baltimore. That way he doesn't have to drive so far after every game to have John Waters offer him counsel and some hot man on man sex (I'm trying to be more Google-able. Sue me).
Who cares? We won.
My fantasy football team lost to an Eagles fan who spends his days where most Eagles fans spend their non-food stamp-collecting hours - community college.
Who cares? (Me. F*cking McNabb) We won.
When the second ball went up and I stood on the barstool that I will be standing on for every Redskins game on this season, I felt something that I hadn't felt during a Redskins game in years: Faith. I knew that pass was gonna be complete. I knew we were going to win.
Who cares? We won.
The offense looked awful. If I'd-a seen another 13-yard hitch go incomplete, the samurai sword was coming off the wall. Couldn't run the ball; the Cowboys had 3 defensive linemen, 4 linebackers, 2 safeties, and Liv Tyler stacked as high as Michael Irvin in the box.
Who cares? We won.
The defense looked awesome. Sean Taylor's hit on third down of the last Cowboys' "drive" didn't make up for him falling down on the flea-flicker touchdown to Terry Glenn, but it did scare the sh*t out of every white person in Dallas.
Who cares? We won.
Patrick Ramsey, who I've defended since the day we drafted him, couldn't have thrown one, let alone both of those passes to Santana Moss. I hope he gets his trade and ends up playing for Baltimore. That way he doesn't have to drive so far after every game to have John Waters offer him counsel and some hot man on man sex (I'm trying to be more Google-able. Sue me).
Who cares? We won.
My fantasy football team lost to an Eagles fan who spends his days where most Eagles fans spend their non-food stamp-collecting hours - community college.
Who cares? (Me. F*cking McNabb) We won.
When the second ball went up and I stood on the barstool that I will be standing on for every Redskins game on this season, I felt something that I hadn't felt during a Redskins game in years: Faith. I knew that pass was gonna be complete. I knew we were going to win.
Who cares? We won.
"Hey, Brah - Didn't I See You Groovin' at The Spin Doctors Show?"
(NOTE: If you have named your dog after a Widespread Panic song, DO NOT READ THIS)
Widespread Panic is playing today at The Charlottesville Pavilion.
For the unannointed, Panic is the stupidest band in history. Like their Ohio-based brethren OAR, they regularly pack gigantic rooms with people who know nothing about good music.
Example - Your average Panic fan couldn't tell you the name of their favorite Beatles song. This is because they lack the chromosomes that allow the human ear to process songs with a melody, or anything but a moronic 4/4 beat.
Also - most of them can't stop drooling long enough to answer questions of any sort. Widespread fans are the people who can't understand Motown, offering you, with shock at anything but total compliance: "it's gay" (see: OAR fan). Are the lines getting clearer?
However, this means the Panic Wooks are in town, and you can only imagine the day to day-incompentence of these huddles of human flesh. Around 11:00PM this evening, I'll be leaving the show, (NOTE: of course I'm going...it's gonna be f*cking Mardi Gras...) walk one block over to what will be a piz-acked City Jail, sit outside on a bench, and let their beautiful wailing be the ear candle for the gigantic mound of sh*t resting deep in my ear canal.
"BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HEADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"
Widespread Panic is playing today at The Charlottesville Pavilion.
For the unannointed, Panic is the stupidest band in history. Like their Ohio-based brethren OAR, they regularly pack gigantic rooms with people who know nothing about good music.
Example - Your average Panic fan couldn't tell you the name of their favorite Beatles song. This is because they lack the chromosomes that allow the human ear to process songs with a melody, or anything but a moronic 4/4 beat.
Also - most of them can't stop drooling long enough to answer questions of any sort. Widespread fans are the people who can't understand Motown, offering you, with shock at anything but total compliance: "it's gay" (see: OAR fan). Are the lines getting clearer?
However, this means the Panic Wooks are in town, and you can only imagine the day to day-incompentence of these huddles of human flesh. Around 11:00PM this evening, I'll be leaving the show, (NOTE: of course I'm going...it's gonna be f*cking Mardi Gras...) walk one block over to what will be a piz-acked City Jail, sit outside on a bench, and let their beautiful wailing be the ear candle for the gigantic mound of sh*t resting deep in my ear canal.
"BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HEADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"
9.13.2005
Trey's Corner
Dear Trey,What what do you think of Coach Joe Gibbs's decision to pull Patrick Ramsey in favor of aging Mark Brunell as the starting quarterback for The Washington Redskins?
-Worried in Washington
Patrick Ramsey was 7-12 for 120 yards in Sunday's game, converting three third downs on a single drive, after throwing one admittedly horrendous interception. This was before he was nearly decapitated by a Chicago linebacker, who was politely asked by the line judge to not commit any more penalities for the rest of the game and go on his merry way.Dear Worried,
You should be completely terrified of Mark Brunell. Last year, he was the NFL's worst quarterback. Hmmmm....worst....I guess that leaves some room for opinion...no, wait....it doesn't.
Oh, and he's not crazy either, as this snippet from his bio will show:
You should be completely terrified of Mark Brunell. Last year, he was the NFL's worst quarterback. Hmmmm....worst....I guess that leaves some room for opinion...no, wait....it doesn't.
Oh, and he's not crazy either, as this snippet from his bio will show:
"Through faith in Jesus' death and resurrection, I realized that He had bridged the gap that sin had created. As I repented of my sins and allowed Jesus to become the Lord of my life, I experienced His love and forgiveness. I began to see a greater purpose for life. Jesus wants all of us to live at the highest level. We can only do that by allowing Him to be our Lord and Savior Jeremiah 29:11"
Brunell passed for 70 in a half and change. Had it not been for the running game of Portis and Betts (finally), The 'Skins were gonna walk away losers from this one. Instead, they're 1-0, as they've been for the past four playoff-less years. Their defense allowed only 141 yards of offense, and the Bears' touchdown was the result of a special teams fumble and pitifully short field.
Predicition for Monday Night Football: 'Skins 187, Dallas 9
9.01.2005
Guilt
I promised myself I'd never do it again, and I've broken that promise.
From the day that New York City was attacked to the moment Saddam Hussein's statue was symbolically torn from it's moorings to the delight of litteraly dozens of cheering Iraqi men, I was consumed by cable news. That's roughly a year and a half.
I can remember watching the video of the latter with Dr. von Slantersberg (who's back at the blog - Hooray!). The sight of a tank bearing my flag doing what we were told was another peoples' bidding thousands of miles away churned something so vile from the pit of my stomach that I turned away and didn't look back.
Until yesterday.
I've spent at least five hours watching CNN and Fox News (hilarious!) since then, which is somewhat remarkable for a non-cable subscriber, and I will certainly watch more. The watching is not what bothers me. Aside for the media's complete side-step of the issue of race, the journalism, like what came from those embedded in the invasion, strikes a nice balance between compelling and informative.
What bothers me is that I want things to get worse.
Something in my subconscious yearns for another levee to burst, for a gang war to break out on the steps of The Superdome - something worse than the already catastrophic scenes I've witnessed. WHY?
Are the mothers right? Have I been desensitized? I don't think so, as my horror at a discussion on looting (that, again, tippytoed around race) last night would lead me to believe.
Perhaps I want to witness an event live, one that occurs while I'm watching, to validate my feelings about the flood. I've been trying to make an honest connection to a city that has welcomed me as many times as most I've visited, yet the helplessness I feel, watching this horror in this unreachable land, is palpable.
Then there is the twice aforementioned issue of race. I could sugar-coat this and say "99% of the people who have been filmed looting, paddling through the streets, or otherwise have been black." Bullsh*t. Everyone that was stranded is black.
What will linger in my memory long after the water is pumped away are the images of obese women and children, all of them black, who probably make up a good portion of the 30% of New Orleans' population which lives under the poverty line. It's hard for me to listen to reports on the increasingly criticized second-wave evacuation efforts and detach the lack of mobilization with the skin color of the people in the federal government's charge.
I saw President Clinton mention during an interview that the Prime Minister of Sri Lanka, one of the nations razed by the New Years Tsunami, had expressed his people's interest in helping the people they saw on television; people as unfortunate, before and after disaster, as them. Upon hearing this story, one of my closest advisors, in a cautious, semi-whisper deadpan replied, "Do you think they'll get as many donations, based on the faces of the disaster, as the Tsunami did?" Without waiting for a reply, she added, in the same hushed tone, "Wouldn't that be horrible?"
Perhaps I watch for a darker reason. A year ago, as Ivan roared through the Gulf of Mexico, many people were predicting a great flood would follow a direct hit of New Orleans. I don't remember exactly what I said or who I said it to, but it was something along the lines of "I'm kinda rooting for the hurricane to crush New Orleans". I guess I thought it would be kinda neat.
I will continue to watch in horror as my wish comes true.
Please make a donation, if you can, to one of the charities below or another trusted organization.
Donations -
The Red Cross
http://redcross.org
Info on how, what, and what not to donate-
http://redcross.org/article/0,1072,0_312_4498,00.html
Catholic Charities USA
http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/
Info on how to donate -
http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/donate/donate.cfm
From the day that New York City was attacked to the moment Saddam Hussein's statue was symbolically torn from it's moorings to the delight of litteraly dozens of cheering Iraqi men, I was consumed by cable news. That's roughly a year and a half.
I can remember watching the video of the latter with Dr. von Slantersberg (who's back at the blog - Hooray!). The sight of a tank bearing my flag doing what we were told was another peoples' bidding thousands of miles away churned something so vile from the pit of my stomach that I turned away and didn't look back.
Until yesterday.
I've spent at least five hours watching CNN and Fox News (hilarious!) since then, which is somewhat remarkable for a non-cable subscriber, and I will certainly watch more. The watching is not what bothers me. Aside for the media's complete side-step of the issue of race, the journalism, like what came from those embedded in the invasion, strikes a nice balance between compelling and informative.
What bothers me is that I want things to get worse.
Something in my subconscious yearns for another levee to burst, for a gang war to break out on the steps of The Superdome - something worse than the already catastrophic scenes I've witnessed. WHY?
Are the mothers right? Have I been desensitized? I don't think so, as my horror at a discussion on looting (that, again, tippytoed around race) last night would lead me to believe.
Perhaps I want to witness an event live, one that occurs while I'm watching, to validate my feelings about the flood. I've been trying to make an honest connection to a city that has welcomed me as many times as most I've visited, yet the helplessness I feel, watching this horror in this unreachable land, is palpable.
Then there is the twice aforementioned issue of race. I could sugar-coat this and say "99% of the people who have been filmed looting, paddling through the streets, or otherwise have been black." Bullsh*t. Everyone that was stranded is black.
What will linger in my memory long after the water is pumped away are the images of obese women and children, all of them black, who probably make up a good portion of the 30% of New Orleans' population which lives under the poverty line. It's hard for me to listen to reports on the increasingly criticized second-wave evacuation efforts and detach the lack of mobilization with the skin color of the people in the federal government's charge.
I saw President Clinton mention during an interview that the Prime Minister of Sri Lanka, one of the nations razed by the New Years Tsunami, had expressed his people's interest in helping the people they saw on television; people as unfortunate, before and after disaster, as them. Upon hearing this story, one of my closest advisors, in a cautious, semi-whisper deadpan replied, "Do you think they'll get as many donations, based on the faces of the disaster, as the Tsunami did?" Without waiting for a reply, she added, in the same hushed tone, "Wouldn't that be horrible?"
Perhaps I watch for a darker reason. A year ago, as Ivan roared through the Gulf of Mexico, many people were predicting a great flood would follow a direct hit of New Orleans. I don't remember exactly what I said or who I said it to, but it was something along the lines of "I'm kinda rooting for the hurricane to crush New Orleans". I guess I thought it would be kinda neat.
I will continue to watch in horror as my wish comes true.
Please make a donation, if you can, to one of the charities below or another trusted organization.
Donations -
The Red Cross
http://redcross.org
Info on how, what, and what not to donate-
http://redcross.org/article/0,1072,0_312_4498,00.html
Catholic Charities USA
http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/
Info on how to donate -
http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/donate/donate.cfm
WookieMania Fall Lineup
Come Fall, this wookie takes only one greatest professional sports team of all time seriously: The Washington Redskins.
Last year, the lair was outfitted with the great and mighty will-destroyer that is The Dish. This, in conjunction with the stalwart efforts of my BFF TiVo, allowed me to watch nothing but football all day Sunday. This meant watching other games during the commercials of the 'Skins game and being able to go back to it whenever I wanted knowing that if I waited a little longer I could rewind back to where the commercials ending and then fast forward through the next commercial break, and......whoa........dizzy.......
This is why I do not have The Dish anymore and I have sent TiVo to a far away land called "Arlington". However, I will need to watch the games somewhere, and seeing as none of my co-wookies like me ripping up their furniture, I will be heading to local eateries and giving them the WookieMania-over.
This will mean brunch for 1:00PM games, lunch / dinner for 4:00PM games, and dinner for Sunday or Monday night matchups. I will try and keep the schedule updated, as I can always use company. And someone to stick a spoon down my throat about, oh, let's hope...6 times this year.
Last year, the lair was outfitted with the great and mighty will-destroyer that is The Dish. This, in conjunction with the stalwart efforts of my BFF TiVo, allowed me to watch nothing but football all day Sunday. This meant watching other games during the commercials of the 'Skins game and being able to go back to it whenever I wanted knowing that if I waited a little longer I could rewind back to where the commercials ending and then fast forward through the next commercial break, and......whoa........dizzy.......
This is why I do not have The Dish anymore and I have sent TiVo to a far away land called "Arlington". However, I will need to watch the games somewhere, and seeing as none of my co-wookies like me ripping up their furniture, I will be heading to local eateries and giving them the WookieMania-over.
This will mean brunch for 1:00PM games, lunch / dinner for 4:00PM games, and dinner for Sunday or Monday night matchups. I will try and keep the schedule updated, as I can always use company. And someone to stick a spoon down my throat about, oh, let's hope...6 times this year.
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