An Open Letter to the Former Guitar Player of Phish

Dear Ernest,

Sorry to hear that your Summer Tour got cancelled. When I heard, I assumed it was because of the stupid name the promoters gave it, but, as it turns out, you didn't sell any tickets. Again, that's too bad.

Remember when you sold out entire tours with your old band all year long? Yeah, that was cool. People would even drive through the night to see that band's show the next day. Now, it looks like nobody cares about the band you're in, because if they did, your tour wouldn't have been cancelled because of poor ticket sales.

I know that it's difficlt to speculate on these types of things, but let's ask the question, "Why do you think that not enough people bought tickets, making the promoters cancel your entire Summer Tour?"

Boy, man. There could be a lot of reasons:

• You told the crowd at the first show of your spring tour that the band hadn't really practiced together, because you were on vacation.
  

• Ben Harper sucks.


• Your new band is terrible and everyone hates it.
  


• The way you played at Coventry.

Ernest, these are only four reasons that I can think of that your tour got cancelled. However - I will be just a little constructive and give you a good hint on how to not get your next tour cancelled:


Here he is.

Slack-Assed No Brunch Bitch

My apologies, wookettes. I promised an in-depth and introspective look at all that is brunching in Albemarle County, but the past two weeks not only did I go to the same place (Jarman's Gap), but it's closed now, so enlightening the past to Mondays have not been (stupid Yoda...)

Anyways, I can promise that writing about the meal after my cousin's wedding on Sunday will more than make up for my lack of discipline.

Believe me.

PS - Not 'brunch' but 'brunch-related': Rapture serves an excellent bloody mary. Lots of horseradish, better after a lemon, and you can get one every day of the week...I think...They're high on the list for a week from Monday.

Memorial Day Haiku

Who throws a wedding -
A Sunday morning wedding -
This weekend? Cousins.

Dr. Chewbakka & Frank DeFord, Unite!

When you're right, you're right. But only when you're really right does a senior editor for the world's preeminent sports magazine agree with you and say so on NPR. Listen here.

On today's Morning Edition, Frank DeFord advocates the Washington Redskins changing their name. DeFord cites the inherent racism implied when we dress up for games in large head-dresses without recognizing the plight of the modern American Indian.

For example (Note: LakotaMall)

80% unemployment


Poorest county in the USA. Average family income is just $3,700 per year.



High rates of alcoholism, heart disease, and cancer.



Extremely high rate of diabetes. Almost half of the population over 40 on the Pine Ridge Reservation have diabetes.



Life expectancy for men is 48 years. Life expectancy for women is 52.



Highest infant mortality rate in the USA.

I felt the need to post those statistics becuase they are very real, and are central to Mr. Deford's point. We still, after all we've learned, want to recognize Indians as whooping, tee-pee living proto-hippies, whose culture is alive and well in some distant land that we'll see someday on that trip we're going to take out west. They are no longer that poeple.

Now - my theory is a little different. I think we need to change the name because they've put an ancient Indian curse on us, and until we get rid of "Redskins", to the playoffs, we will not go. This makes Mr. DeFord and I somewhat unlikely bedfellows in our fight, but I think he'll be glad, in the long run, to have the strength of the wookies behind him.

Granted, neither of us have any ideas for other names, and the last time a Washington sports franchise changed their name (from the Bullets to the Wizards) the result was a team with the stupidest looking logo in the history of sport. We'd have to change the fight song, too, and that sucks. (BTW: Great link about the history of the tune here)

Wait a second...a mascot is supposed to be strong, right? Someone you'd want to lead you into battle, right? Ohhh...Danny Snyder, do I have the non-offensive mascot for you!

A Haiku for May

Sad Wookie

Too cloudy today.
Want to sit in the fountain
And look at titties.

Charlottesville Pavillion Countdown

As of today, I have found two seperate big-name acts that have scheduled stops during their 2005 summer tours at the still-completely-not-finished Charlottesville Pavilion.

The Pavilion is currently nothing more than a gigantic hole in the ground. As of yesterday, the only erect structure in the hole was a 10 (w) x 10 (l) wall of cinder blocks. I'm sure Bruce Hornsby will both be mighty disappointed if his crew is told to teeter his piano on a 10" x 5' row of concrete. Perhaps they'll tell Loretta Lynn that at 70 years old she should remember what it was like to be a kid and play in the mud.

COUNTDOWN: 66 days...

The Star Wars Movie

DISCLAIMER: This website has very little, if anything at all, to do with Star Wars. As any good nerd will tell you, the correct spelling of the word this blog is so crazy about is "wookiee". The most famous individual spells its name "Chewbacca".

The wookie I speak of is a completely different creature. My wookie lives with it's girlfriend in a 1987 Camry that is covered in "clever bumper stickers. My wookie has a 3-legged dog that pulls around a cooler of "1 for $3, 2 for $5" Sammy Smith 22s on a longboard in parking lots.

My wookie ends every sentence with "brah."

(For an even clearer picture of my wookie (hehe) click on the links on your right.)

However - pretty super time for me to post my review of the movie, yes? (STOP READING IF YOU HAVE A GIRLFR...I MEAN...HAVEN"T SEEN THE MOVIE)

It was great. However - the f*cking dialogue...Jesus...

"He killed younglings."

This line was used 3 times, and highlights Lucas' incessant need to use his own make-believe words when somthing (anything) else would have been better for the scene, such as "Dude, I went in there and there were f*cking baby heads EVERYWHERE. I totally cried," or "We caught Anakin dipping his light sabre into baby-carriages," which, by the way was conceived by Chiach Solo, and not Family Guy.

Anakin: "I love you."
Padme: "No, I love you more"
Anakin: "No, I love you more."

I swear to god that this is an actual exchange from a major-studio-made full length motion picture that I paid matinee prices to go see. Twice. But once with a girl, alright? So shut up, mom.

Darth: "Yes, my master. Where is Padmé? Is she safe, is she all right? "

The first words to ever come out of Darth Vader's mouthpiece. The evilest dude in the history of anything is asking if his babies are OK? He doesn't instantly wake up and choke poeple? F*ck that.

There is one line, however, that almost makes up for it all:

Yoda: "Good relations with the Wookiees, I have."

To hear Yoda use my favorite word in a sentence that makes him sound (to me) like your buddy's buddy in a Izod shirt who has just taken your $200 assuring you that the molly he just scored from kid selling his baby for an extra is the best ever just warms my heart.

Enough with the words. It is a beautiful looking movie. Even in the scenes with the lines listed above, you can't help but marvel at how nice the idiot people puppets are to look at. The opening, the fulfillment of Lucas's grand CGI-powered dream, is all that is good about special effects. An interesting note about the effects-laden universe the characters inhabit is that the face of the clones is the Asian dude (they all look the same right?) that drives the gun-bot thingie in the last Matrix movie. I've never seen this guy do anything but have half of his body rendered by CGI.

More importantly though, the interaction between our two Jedi heroes is this scene (the only time that Christiansen is tolerable) adds great depth to the pained look on Alec Guiness's face every time he mentions Darth Vader. Ewen McGregor seems to relish this idea, and provides the only feeling we see from any human in the film. His admonishment of the dying Anakin (sorry about those stumps catching on fire, guy!) is capped with him picking up the vanquished's light sabre. This, of course, is meaningful only to nerds like me who remember Guiness, upon giving Luke his light-sabre, telling the future Jedi that his "father wanted him to have (it)."

The most interesting aspect of linking this trilogy with the original is the character of R2-D2. He has seen everything. Obi-Wan is quite familiar with R2, as he was Anakin's co-pilot, so it's interesting that Obi-Wan, whom we now know has been chilling in a cave for 25 years waiting for the Tuscan Raiders to come after Luke, pays him no mind as he plays the "Help Us Obi-Wan" holgram in Stare Wars. The only thing R2 may not know about Vader, a secret we assume is kept only by Yoda, Obi-Wan and Sen. Organa, played by Jimmy Smits in the "piece of wood" acting style. (If you got the feeling that C3PO was around only as R2's interpreter in Menace & Clones, you're right. Besides being the gayest-robot-with-the-most-inconsequential-presence-in-a-movie-of-all-times, he has his memory erased at the end of this film, thus nullifying his presence entirely.)

Overall, a big hooray for George Lucas, whose legendary trilogy hinged on redemption, and his own saving grace after putting his logo on two of the sh*ttiest movies of all times. Also - hooray for movies, which can now have good special effects again, as the Industrial Light and Magic guys can do something besides make Hayden Christiansen piss me off.

Happy Birthday

"The fact of the matter is, I'm f**king brilliant." - Pete Townshend

One of my heroes turned 60 today. In celebration, I urge anyone who reads this to listen to Live At Leeds. It is THE live rock and roll record.

It changed the way I wanted to play rock and roll, and yet I recognize that it is an insurmountable achievement that is best left to admiration. It (and Who's Next, and later, Tommy) carried me through the first time in my life that playing live music was absent, and it sustained my desire for it.

I'm not going to expound upon tracks or link to any reviews, (if anyone can find me an archive of original rock and roll reviews - PLEASE) so you'll have to take my word for it.

Or I'll rip your arms out of their sockets.

An Open Letter to the Surviving Members of The Cambodian Midget Fighting League

Gentlemen,

Let me first express my condolences for your 28 brethren who will not fight another day. They fought valiantly against a savage opponent with beast-like powers and an insatiable taste for blood. Gladly giving their lives so that hordes of screaming peasants could gamble away their family's last few Riels, (and the occasional daughter) the dedication of the fallen members of the CMFL to their sport will forever remain unmatched.

Now, however, is not a time to look towards the past. Or through your bloody wraps, down at the horrible wounds that the great beast caused you. Or in the faces of the laughably incompetent doctors and nurses who are curiously looking at your wounds, wondering what sort of god allows the human body to be ravaged with such little mercy. No!

You must look towards the future. And the future is more Midget Fighters. And more lions.

...Okay, maybe not more lions. But beasts! Remember that, because of his mind and his will, man (or midget) can defeat any adversary. The numbers were what betrayed you, not your funny little fingers, or your disporportionaly large heads. Had there been 43 of you, let alone 44, or even 45(!) who knows how much longer the slaughter may have lasted? The chances of the lion tiring (your chance at destiny!) would be, mathematically, greater.

So I say to you, tiny braves, do not lick your wounds. It will only increase the risk of infection.

Don King Oversteps His Bounds

This is truly f*cked.

I do, however, enjoy the deck:

Spectators cheered as entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against African Lion

Unfortuantely, the link is fake. (Thanks: Josh) This upsets me because, and I believe that I speak for wookies everywhere when I say this, I thought that midgets were finally being allowed their equal oppurtunity to be ripped apart by savage beasts.

Looks like you tiny little guys are just gonna have to keep fighting. Together.

Farewell Jarman's (Part I)

On Sunday, Jarman's Gap will be gone.

Today, one day late, we begin WookieMania's tribute to a really good place. A place whose depature from our lives here in town seems very symbolic of the many things that we will lose in the coming years. I had brunch there on Sunday, and the post will be up soon, but I really needed to give it the full treatment. Quick preview: It was wonderful.

Nice article in the Cville...and, gee, I'd love to link to it, but it's not on their website. So, campers - head on over to your big blue box and turn to page 55 to read all about it.

Then say to your friend, "Look! It's your mom's new boyfriend," and turn to page 40.

Get Well Soon

29 years ago today The Beach Boys released Pet Sounds on Capitol Records.

You just feel the record. The music box-jangle that begins Wouldn't It Be Nice and then - the timpani on the downbeat - the open beat on 2 - the alto "Woooooo-uldn't It Be" on 3 and 4 - "Nice" is bracketed by a sonic backing that would have pleased Phil Spector very much - had he not been looking for 13 year-old girls to strangle.

It's a brilliant piece, and I don't need delve into Rock and Roll Writing 101 and do a review here. The point is that Pet Sounds was a work of singular genius. Besides extracting a good deal from your soul to simply write and record it, you are now, in your weakened state, hailed a genius. What is the first thing you ask a genius?

What's next?

Dave Chapelle is hiding in South Africa. (Can you imagine the strangulation fantasies he must have had for the past year every time he heard a line about a certain Motown recording artist?) The 2nd season of "Chapelle's Show" was comic genius. Up there with Richard Pryor burning his own face off, or talking about his dick's jones for coke. Up there with Eddie Murphy Delirious. With Bring The Pain.

Dave's been working on this new season for a year and half now, and he can't finish it. He's worried that it's not as funny as Season 2. He's not worried about the critics or the fans - he knows what's funny, and his new sh*t must not be as funny.

There are probably other factors involved, too. He's probably using hard drugs, as reported in earlier stories from last week. Chances are that his inner circle is trying to get something put on tape so that they can get paid. Understandable. However, a third season will / would be greeted with as much hype and scrutiny as anything in TV, and probably entertainment, and Dave doesn't want to fall short of Season 2.

I don't have any advice on being any funnier, or getting any episodes made, or not taking drugs. I just offer up Brian Wilson, who made himself crazy trying to top his work of genius, as a cautionary tale.

Happy Birthday, Pet Sounds.

Get Well Soon, bitches.

Make Yours Virginia Wine

Look out, rest of country - if you live in any of the 24 states that ban out-of-state wine importation, The Supreme Court just said that it was cool for you to have Viriginia's finest wines shipped right to your door. Here are some of our best:

• Veritas Vineyards - Their Othello is a tannat-heavy wine, perfect with a big steak or other slab of red meat
• King Family Vineyards - Located in beautiful Crozet, their 2003 viogner was one of the few nice wines to emerge from a bad year
• Jefferson Vineyards - Their Meritage is always tops

There is another winery that sells wonderful wines, made by two very excellent winemakers. However, the owner is know-it-all, carpet-bagging c*cksucker who fired a certain furball without good reason, and will get his. Someday.

And I'd be willing to bet he's killed a hooker or two before, as well.

May 16th: Who Knew?

So...Turns out that May 16th is a pretty big f*cking day in the grand schema, wooksters. First:

Happy 45th birthday Motown

Thank you, Berry Gordy.

Thank you for being the Jackie Robinson of the music business. (Ed. note - As I say that, it's important to note that JR should be remembered not just for being the first black ballplayer in the major leagues, but for having a .311 career average, never striking out more than 40 times in a season, and slugging over .400 all but once in his 10 year career - in short, one of the greastest ballplayers of all times)

Thank you for Diana Ross & The Supremes, Stevie Wonder, The Jackson 5, The Temptations, Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, The Four Tops, Rick James, and Martha Reeves & The Vandellas

Thank you for What's Going On, Tears of a Clown, My Girl, ABC, Superfreak, My World Is Empty (Without You, Babe), Whiter Shade of Pale, Bernadette, Tracks of My Tears, Santa Claus is Comin' to Town (Jackson 5 version - you've gotta check it out) Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I'm Yours), Ain't No Mountain High Enough, Papa Was a Rolling Stone, Mercy, Mercy Me (The Ecology), I Heard It Through The Grapevine (Marvin Gaye and Gladys Knight & The Pips), I Want You Back, Love Child, Stop! In The Name of Love, War, (Reach Out) I'll Be There, Let's Get It On and any other song that I may have used to trivia the f*ck out of Charlottesville, conjure up a romantic moment, or divert for a moment and dance. One must remember: Wookies are excellent dancers.


More Happy Birthdays and Anniversarys to come, folks. It really is one hell of a day...

Sounds :: Good

Nocturnal Transmissions From The Collective Unconsciousness

As Official Southern Soul Preacher-In-Residence to the show, Chewbakka say:

• rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! The inital MP3s are excellent.
  
• Check out a stream of their weekly show from 1AM - 3AM Tuesdays.
• Use your antennae, at the same time, on WTJU 91.1FM
  

Happily putting it in your earhole since '05

The Rolling Stones in Charlottesville?!? (Part Deux)

Well I'll be f*cked. The Charlottesville Chamber of Commerce is now reporting that The Rolling Stones are headed to Charlottesville.

WookieMania will follow developments closely, as no record makes the Doctor's fur tingle like Exile on Main Street.

Excerpts from the announcement:

The Rolling Stones are Coming to Charlottesville
- Tour to stop at the University's Carl Smith Center, home of Scott Stadium

The University of Virginia will host The Rolling Stones - one of the world's most recognized and enduring rock bands - on October 6, 2005, as part of the group's World Tour 2005- 2006, which was announced today [Tuesday, May 10] in New York City.

The University's Carl Smith Center, home of Scott Stadium, will join the likes of Boston's Fenway Park, New Jersey's Giants Stadium and Chicago's Soldier Field on the 35-city swing through North America that begins in Boston on August 21. It will be the first time the University's 61,000-seat football stadium has been used for such an event since the Dave Matthews Band performed there April 21, 2001.

University President John T. Casteen III called the scheduling of The Rolling Stones good for the community, good for the local economy and good for the University. "I know our students will be particularly pleased when they hear the news," he said, noting that the concert may also attract students' parents, and maybe even a few grandparents. The Rolling Stones, led by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, have been performing for 43 years, and continue to appeal across generations.

"This is a powerhouse announcement," said Timothy Hulbert, President of the Charlottesville Regional Chamber of Commerce. "This is a world class event for America's #1 community. It doesn't get much better than The Rolling Stones. Beyond the excitement and ticket sales, within 48 hours this event conservatively can bring in anywhere between $2.5 and $3.5 million in direct economic activity to our community -- much more if folks stay longer."

University President Casteen attributed the recent partnership with SMG, a Philadelphia-based facilities management firm that will handle bookings for the John Paul Jones Arena, as a key factor in landing the October event. The Rolling Stones concert is SMG's first booking for the University.

"This will be the first of many high-visibility groups that will be looking to come to the Charlottesville area to perform at the University," Mr. Casteen said. "From the beginning, we promised that the Arena and Scott Stadium would become a gathering place for the community, where students, faculty, staff and community members would come to enjoy not only athletic events, but concerts, major theatrical road show productions and even the circus. This event is the first step in making good on that promise."

Even after the 15,000-seat Arena opens in 2006, SMG will continue to explore appropriate, occasional events for Scott Stadium.

"This really is going to be an extraordinary event that will bring a great deal of attention and business to our community," said Leonard W. Sandridge, executive vice president and chief operating officer at the University. "As we did with the Dave Matthews concert, the University and SMG will work closely with Charlottesville and Albemarle County and other service providers to assure the safety and security of our guests attending the concert and those living in the surrounding communities.''

Representatives of both the city and the county praised the University for its ability to attract The Rolling Stones concert and for its plans for future events.

"Having a group like The Rolling Stones play in Charlottesville undoubtedly will have a positive economic impact on our community," said Charlottesville Mayor David Brown. "The Dave Matthews Band and the University deserve credit for showing that this type of high-profile event can be a great success for everyone involved."

Robert Tucker, county executive for Albemarle County, said he also is delighted at the prospect of the concert. "We look forward to working with the University and the City of Charlottesville to make it a truly enjoyable and memorable event," Mr. Tucker said. "Having a musical group of the stature of The Rolling Stones select our community to be a stop on its tour certainly reinforces our reputation as a progressive and energetic arts and entertainment venue."

I Can't Believe This Is Real

There's something terribly cosmic about this...

Dude...

8:10PM I just went outside, and I think that Charlottesville's on fire...details in the morning.

***UPDATE***8:55AM (5.10.05) .........Ummmm......Let me explain - went outside to lock up, and six (I counted) firetrucks flew past Court Square. I didn't know we had six firetrucks. Looking to bring the story to the people, I then drove around last night looking for the gigantic fire.

Wookies are known to overreact. It's our nature.

How Good Was Last Night?

Waking up with a wicked post-Jack Bauer hangover?

For any '24' junkies like this wookie, I'd higly recommend reading the best Day 4 briefing of all times at The Side of The Slant. Blogger extraordinaire Ryan 'The Mouse' Chiachiere also offers terribly insightful commentary on Washington, and there's a good chance the kids will be blogging him sooner than later. Of course, it'll be through special eye-chip interfaces, and you'll have to sift through several "SPF 3000" and "Own Your Cardboard Box With Interest Rates As Low as 74.6%!" ads to get there.

Slant slantity slanterific stantasticness!

He's Tough, But Fair

From our old pal, Darth.

Freakin' sweet.

Ooo! Ooo! Let The Wookie Pile On, Too!

Oh man.

Ariana Huffington's blog, only slightly more star-studded and thought-provoking than this one, is just not gonna work out, okay?

Larry David is witty at the top. His wife is not.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Brad Hall (Louis-Dreyfus)? I will give anyone reading this blog a dollar if they know who Brad Hall is. Answering "Julia Louis-Dreyfus's husband" will get you nothing.

The saddest, though, is Walter Cronkite. To say that the most recognized symbol in 20th century American Journalism has lost his f*cking mind...well...he's lost his f*cking mind.

The list goes on. I recommend not reading it to (everyone) anyone that has a hero or heroine from a movie. A character they love. Because chances are you will see that same face smirking in a black and white photo over the title to a stinking pile of digital sh*t.

Tony Blair: "Look How Huge My Balls Are!"

"Germany was responsible for the outbreak of World War II. We must all live with the consequences." -Tony Blair

That's awesome.

Can you imagine George Bush telling The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, as Tony Blair told the German newspaper Bild, "The South was responsible for the outbreak of The Civil War"?!? (Granted, states within the US are not the sovereign nations of Europe, but as the European Union gathers momentum, she will be speaking increasingly with one voice. This, as Americans scoff at "Iowa", or conversely, "Maine".)

Both statements are true (Hitler's invasion of Poland and then Russia / Ft. Sumter) yet in America we are afraid at times to acknowledge Southern responsibilty in one of the most horrilbe transgressions in our past.

A proud Virignian, I stand with PM Blair in spirit when I say, "The South started the Civil War and we all must live with the consequences."

Like Shoney's, and Cafe Risque, and Kenny Chesney, and Baptist churches...

Sundays with Wookie

There is an industry term restaurant workers use to describe the best meal of the week: "Brunch sucks."

Never has this been more apparent than during my trip to Station yesterday afternoon. I made reservations for 1:30, owing my company to the two wonderful babies who propped me up on Saturday evening and (not thinking terribly hard at the time) volunteered to drive me home on Sunday morning.

A minute or two post-arrival we were seated at a table on the patio, which is underneath a clear plastic tarp. Perhaps the tarp magnified the heliorays. Perhaps theories on global warming being bullsh*t are not true and there really is no Ozone left - whatever. That sun was hot. (And even though umbrellas for patio dining are somewhat of a standard in the civilized world) This was no one at Station's fault. Here's what was:

(Beverages: 2 of 5) The real problems didn't start until the waiter noticed us. Having wandered into his section, we waited fifteen minutes for him to take our drink order. The rail bloody mary, served in an old fashioned glass, was unremarkable. The two iced teas were cloudy and barely translucent at the outer limits of the glass. Coffee was fine.

(Food: 3.5 of 5) Nothing served before the meal. After about 30 minutes (now 45 total) our food appeared. Frittata was clumsily put together with a slight char and heavy concentration of salt on the edges, registering them inedible. The inside featured a delicious goat cheese that was of an entirely different entity than the eggs that contained it, lying only half-melted between them. Italian benedict substituted a wonderful pancetta for standard Canadian bacon, but carelessness in the kitchen led to an egg with little membrane that spilled all over the plate when lightly prodded. The saving grace was the Eggs Chesapeake, featuring crab crakes rather than Canuck pork. Fresh crab (most likely from next door) in a nice batter under two perfectly poached eggs and a very nice rosemary hollandaise. I felt so bad when I saw my friend's bene that I was moved to relinquish one half of the dish that saved the restaurant's food rating.

(Desert: none) Offerings looked good, but at this point it was time to go. Anywhere else.

(Service: .5 of 5) There was no silverware as the waiter walked away after serving our food. We had to ask for water. When we offered cash and two credit cards for payment, we were told that we would need to wait while our server seperated the checks "to make things easier for him." Overall lack of attentiveness and concern. Left him 12.5%.

(Price: 2 of 5) $45 and change for one cocktail, three beverages, and three entrees.

(Overall: 1 of 5) The most beautiful woman I have ever seen walked in with her parents right after we did. I was so ready to go that rather than wait and catch a second glimpse as she walked out, I actually got up and left. One friend and I were very upset, having gotten EXCELLENT brunch not more than a year ago at the same place.

Thank goodness my afternoon was saved by the easy company of those two beautiful babies who then accompanied me down and up the Mall. And bought me gelato.

New week: Undecided. Still upset.

EDITOR'S NOTE: WookieMania will be reviewing Sunday brunches until he is recognized and banned from every spot in and around Albemarle and the surrounding counties. If you have a favorite spot to munch brunch, let me know here . -KoAW

Best Headline Ever for Recovering Catholics

Chlamydia Outbreak Kills a Dozen Penguins

Cinco de Maio (Or However the F*ck You Spell It)

I am now convinced that the "Mexican celebration of independence" is actually a cruel joke perpetrated by the Colombians. You heard this wookie right - The Colombians. Think about it: You to stay up late on a school night, then when you have to drag your sorriness to work and the only thing that will get you through May 6th is your double mocha frappe-latte-latte. (EDITORIAL: This wookie tries his damnedest to purchase and drink fair trade coffee)

Thank The Big Wookie In The Sky that Southern Culture was out of Herrrrrradurrrrrra.

5 o'clock. Time to start getting rid of that hangover the only way that really works.


FYI - Yesterday was 05/05/05 Sweeet!

The Rolling Stones in Charlottesville?!?

Why are there people calling me from local media outlets asking if I can verify that the Rolling Stones are going to play a concert in Charlottesville?

I am but a simple creature, convered in fur.

But if I were a betting wookie, I'd say no way. The Captain's stable is growing, but I would bet that Keeeeeeef'd tell him to f*ck right off.

Oh, Santana

The Washington Post is reporting that Santana Moss has signed a brand new contract with the Redskins. I'm excited about this. The deal is reported to be worth $31 mil over 6 years, with around $11 mil being garunteed. I am not excited about this.

Drew Rosenhaus is Santana's agent. He represents a good deal of the most talented players in the league, and TO's demand for a new contract from the Eagles is his idea.

He is also the agent for LaVar Arrington and Sean Taylor, the duo whom at another time I will expound upon my entirely heterosexual love of. Arrington re-worked his deal mid-season two years ago, and then had to file a grievance against the Skins because he thought they left cheese out of the deal.

hmmmmm...Has nothing to do with the fact that agents only get paid on deals they sign, ya think?

And He's Off!

Dude...this is one hell of a spill.

I'm trying to think of a good Cheers / Frasier pun, but I'll let the video speak for itself.

Good Morning Campers

Welcome to Dr. Chewbakka's blog.

Here we will discuss current events, the best places to brunch, The Who, and various other life or death topics.

And their effect(s) on wookies.

Feel free to comment. Unlike some blogs I know, your thoughts and reactions will be heard.

So off we go, boats against the current, bourne back ceaselessly into the past.