Dear Trey,Where has WookieMania been?!? I've been trying to brunch for three weeks now, and guess where I've ended up?
Guess.
At a Waffle House, Trey. A f*cking Waffle House. Do you know what it's like asking for a bloody mary and an eggs benedict at WF?
Listen - I'm sorry. I'm not mad. I just want to talk to the wookie. I miss him. I miss the fur. I miss...his fur.
Please help us, Trey - You're our only hope.
-That really, really sexy actress from Rain Man & Hot Shots! (and Hot Shots! Part Deux)
Dear TRRSAfRM&HS!,
Never fear, lassie. The good Dr. is fine, resting quietly at his mountain estate. I know this because I paid him a visit yesterday. Granted, I got there at 4:00PM and he was still in his underwear...but think about it - He did all four of those Star Wars movies in nothing but a bandolier.
Anyways, he has sequestered himself on the mountainside so that he might find peace and clarity for the upcoming months - a most trying time of the year for him, indeed. He gave me a written statement and asked me to post it for him:
"Greetings, friends! I know that it's been awhile since I rapped at 'cha, and I must apologize for my sudden abscence and for not preceeding it with any warning. You see - I am about to enter into a time of deep and profound sorrow for all wookies of my clan; a seemingly endless gloom which is punctuated only by the fierce and bitter sting of reality scratched upon expectations that spring anew each year only to be swallowed, digested, and expelled by fate:
"Soon, the NFL season will start, The Washington Redskins will take the field, and the hope of a new day will be lost.
"Getting ready for this sh*t is no joke, too:
"What? You don't believe me? You think any of your friends have the same teacher they had last year? Hmmmmm...think about it. While we're at it and I'm nice and fired up, wanna know why you're shorter than all your friends, too?.........Love, Dr. Chewbakka!"
(Ed. note: The "........." signifies about three more pages of manuscript, but let's leave 'em wanting more, eh, Doctor?)
So - to answer your question: The Wookie is back, and we should all show him how excited we are!
In really soft voices.
Never fear, lassie. The good Dr. is fine, resting quietly at his mountain estate. I know this because I paid him a visit yesterday. Granted, I got there at 4:00PM and he was still in his underwear...but think about it - He did all four of those Star Wars movies in nothing but a bandolier.
Anyways, he has sequestered himself on the mountainside so that he might find peace and clarity for the upcoming months - a most trying time of the year for him, indeed. He gave me a written statement and asked me to post it for him:
"Greetings, friends! I know that it's been awhile since I rapped at 'cha, and I must apologize for my sudden abscence and for not preceeding it with any warning. You see - I am about to enter into a time of deep and profound sorrow for all wookies of my clan; a seemingly endless gloom which is punctuated only by the fierce and bitter sting of reality scratched upon expectations that spring anew each year only to be swallowed, digested, and expelled by fate:
"Soon, the NFL season will start, The Washington Redskins will take the field, and the hope of a new day will be lost.
"Getting ready for this sh*t is no joke, too:
- Air conditioning. Hi-cool.
- Yes's Closer to the Edge five times a day
- maintaining a 3% bloodstream concentration of tomato juice, dijon mustard, horseradish (prepared), worchestire sauce, vodka, and a dash of pepper
- no cooking, cleaning, driving, turning on of ovens, riding in cars, and sure as sh*t no rolling
"What? You don't believe me? You think any of your friends have the same teacher they had last year? Hmmmmm...think about it. While we're at it and I'm nice and fired up, wanna know why you're shorter than all your friends, too?.........Love, Dr. Chewbakka!"
(Ed. note: The "........." signifies about three more pages of manuscript, but let's leave 'em wanting more, eh, Doctor?)
So - to answer your question: The Wookie is back, and we should all show him how excited we are!
In really soft voices.
No comments:
Post a Comment